Happy birthday to a special little man!

Well what a big boy you are now. You are two! It still feels like yesterday that I held you in my arms, and said hello and goodbye all in the same day. I miss you baby, I miss what should have been. I know so many people think I should have moved on now, but how can I do that when you are not at my side growing and being a little monkey like you brother.
I still feel so angry, angry I couldnt keep you safe, angry that they didnt do anything sooner. Things could have been so different.
We love you so much.

I hope you have a wonderful time at your party with all your friends. Dont eat to much cake, but I know if great granddad has his way than you will have soup for after your party meal not jelly, ice cream and cake!! 

Look out for the balloons that mummy daddy, ellen, oliver, karen, little nanny and granddad and great nanny are going to send you later. Dont forget to share them with xander its his birthday as well.

Love and miss you loads baby.You are still in my thought every minute of every day.

love and kisses 
mummy, daddy, ellen, oliver and buddy the dog.

18 MONTHS OLD.

Who is getting such a big boy now! I cant believe you are now 18 months old. All day I have been thinking what Ellen was like at this age, she was so much fun, I still remember her on hoilday dancing like mad! Would you have been the same? I wish you were here so I could see. 
Oliver is my life now but things would have been so much better if he had a big brother as well. I'm sure you are around Oliver, well who else would make him laugh in his sleep!  
We have been arranging a holiday with your friends mummies, wouldn't that be fun all of us staying in the same cottage for the weekend! All going to plan there will be five babies! I'm sure you and the other boys will join us as well, you wouldn't want to miss out on all the fun would you! I love and miss you so much Andrew, I still think about you every single day, I still feel so bad for not keeping you safe, I let you down, I should have made them induced me sooner then maybe you would still be here.
 Next time I write you a message it will be your second birthday, time is just flying by. 
I will pop down and see you tomorrow, I'm sorry I have not been lately, I'm so busy with Oliver now and also having no car doesn't help either. Have you seen mummy driving daddy's car, I'm very brave (or daddy is!)
Well little man I am sending you all my love now and always. Keep watching over us all, and look after Little Ollie and make this cold all better for him.
Love you always
Mummy, daddy, Ellen and Oliver.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY BIG BOY.


I cant beleive a whole year has passed, where has the time gone, it still seems just like yesterday that you was born and I held you in my arms for the first and last time. 
Im so sorry I couldnt do you 11 month message I know you will understand, getting your little brother hear was the most important thing. I really believe if it wasnt for you then Oliver would not be hear, without those extra scans his kidney problem would not have been picked up, and without lossing you I would not have had those extra scans, and for that reason I will be forever thankful to you. I still think what it would be like if you were hear as well. I should be buying cake, presents and party food but instead all I can buy is flowers and balloons for you grave. How I miss what should have been.
I know you have been around us lots in the last month, the feathers that we have been finding shows us that, I would like to hope that you was looking after Oliver when he had his opperation. 
I know its a lot to ask from a little angel of just one, but please keep up the good work with looking after him, he means so much to us all.
Well little one, please enjoy your special day, I hope you catch the balloons that we will be sending you, please remember I will never forget you, you will always be my second child and my first son. 
I hope you have a wonderful party with all your angel friends.
I will love you forever little man. 
Big hugs and kisses.
Lots of love mummy, daddy, Ellen and Oliver

TEN MONTHS OLD.

Well little man you are now ten months old, and I still miss you more than ever.
Did you have fun at the beach? How funny to find a feather just where we were going to sit, and even with the sea breeze it didnt fly away. Im sure you were there before us. I just so wish you were there for real, I would have loved to take you in the water. They are so many things I should be doing with you and I cant do any of them. I feel like Im missing out on so much. 
Its your cousin first birthday at the weekend, how can I go to her party knowing that in two months time I should be arranging yours. Im sure some people will think Im being silly and I should have moved on by now, but how will they ever understand when they have not lost a baby? I will never be able to more on and I will never forget you, you are to special for that.
I have now got seven weeks to go until Oliver should be hear. Please keep him safe for us all. I wish I could have both my boys but I know thats not possible, so please look after him so I can have one of you. 
Well baby boy Im sending you big kisses and big hugs. I love you so much.

Nine months old

Hello little man, its that time of the month again. If you were here you would be nine months old today. I cant believe that you took nine and a half months to grow in mummies tummy and now you have been gone the same amount of time. My arms still feel so empty without you, I miss you so much.
We have told Ellen she is going to have another brother she is so excited again, I just really hope I dont have to tell her another brother has gone. I feel like such a bad mummy, I cant give Ellen the one thing she wants more than anything, and thats you my little man. I wish I could have kept you safe I should have been able to look after you, and I couldnt even do that. I so hope that I can keep Oliver safe but at the moment I can even see that happening. We have got 11 weeks before he is hear, please help look after him for us all.
Ellen keeps rubbing my tummy and saying hello Andrew, then she remembers its not you, it brakes my heart every single time how I wish I could turn the clock back to this time last year.
This time next week mummy is meeting all your friends mummies, I bet you boys will be having a good laugh over us all. Im really looking forward to it they have been such a big help to mummy in the last few months. Its nice to have friend to talk to that know just how mummy is feeling.
We all love and miss you so much Andrew, please keep up the good work. Love and kisses from us all.
Mummy daddy, Ellen and new little brother Oliver.

       

Eight months old.

Its that time of the month again baby boy. Eight months since you left us, eight months since I held you in my arms and kissed you, and said hello and goodbye all at the same time. I miss you more then ever Andrew, I just want you back. I am finding things so hard with you new brother or sister thats growing in mummies tummy. You know how much we wanted you, and we really want this baby as well, I just wish I could see a happy ending, but at the moment I cant. I am so scarred of letting Ellen down again she so wants to be a big sister to a baby as well as an angel, please help to keep the baby safe. 
I cant believe this time next month it will be nines months, soon you would have been gone for longer than I had you in my tummy, it still dosent seem real, things like this shouldnt never happen.
The sun is shining bright today, its the kind of wheather to be walking in the park, but what fun is that when I havent got you to share it will, you should be learning how to crawl in the sun shine. My life will never be the same again, We all miss you so much. All my love Andrew.
Mummy that loves you so much.

  


Seven months old

Hi little man, well you are seven months old today, and we still miss you like mad.
It was your big sister birthday on friday, and mummy found it so hard, I was so upset that my little girl was growing up, I kept thinking I would never see you on your birthdays, and never see how much you have changed from one year to the next. Ellen is so grown up now she doesnt need mummy, I wish you were hear because you would still need me, I was really looking forward to having a mummies boy, I wanted someone to love me as much as Ellen loved daddy.
You are doing a brilliant job looking after you new brother or sister, mummy thinks sister but we will see, Im sure you already know.
 Please keep up the good work I really want to bring this baby home with me. I will never forget you and this baby is not to replace you, we will still always love and miss our little man.
Well its nearly easter now and dont worry Nanny has got you a duck, with no pink on, what was she thinking buying a little bunny with a pink nose, my son dosent want pink! but Im sure she knows that now, you cheaky boy.
Mummy daddy and Ellen love and miss you for ever.
Have fun angel.

HALF A YEAR OLD
    

Well my sweet little boy you are six months old today, where has the time gone. Half a year since you left us. It still feels like last week, how can it be half a year.
Ellen has been sleeping with your teddy, she says you come and play with it when she is asleep, I hope you do, I love to feel you around me.
Please keep up the good work with your very special job, you have done well so far, just another six months to go. Please dont ever think we will forget you, you will always be my first boy and my second baby, nothing will ever change that.  I love and miss you so much little man, I should be celerbrating that you are half a year old, not writting this message on your site.
I hope that you have a wonderful day with all your Angel friends I am sure they will make this day special for you.
We will love and miss you for ever.

        

Five months old, little man, five months since I held you in my arms. We still miss you so much. One more month and it will be half a year since you left us, it still feels like last week.
You have been around us all lately, havent you, we have been finding lots of feathers in the funniest of places, I hope you are watching over us all, but please pay special attention to one little person, and keep them safe.
You should be starting to sit up now, and you should be playing with toys, they are so many things that you will never do, its just so unfair little man, I miss you so much. I hope you liked you new windmill mummy brought you, you grave looks so lovely now with lots of lovely things, Ellen still thinks you come out and play at night time when she is asleep, I would like to think you do as well. We will get your garden ready for the summer, sorry we havent done it already, but it will look really good when it is done.
Mummy has make some great friends that all know what I am going through, and I am sure you are playing with their angels up in the sky, I just hope you arn't as naughty as your mummies are when we get together for a chat, I can just see you all up there laughing at us, and saying what silly mummies we have.
Keep close to us Andrew, and keep us all safe. I love and miss you more than anything, I will never forget you, I still want to talk about you all the time, you are my beautiful son and I am very proud of you.
I love you son.

    

Another month has passed my sweet boy, and you are still missed so much, christmas was hard without you, it just didnt seem right.  Daddy brought mummy a locket so I can take your picture everywhere with me, it also has a lock of your hair.
Mummy also found it hard leaving 2005 behind, how can I say my baby died last year when to me it only feels that last week, I feel like people are starting to forget you, I will never forget you Andrew.
Thankyou for your visit the other night, we are sure it was you, what a naughty boy knocking your picture over when you knew mummy was looking at it, I hope buddy didnt scare you with all the barking, you sent him mad as well!
I hope you were coming to tell me that 2006 would be a better year, and not to worry. You went to visit little nanny as well didnt you? She said you were their when she felt down, you left her a feather to say you had been.
I love you so much baby, I really hope 2006 is a better year.

 
As you know sweet boy, we are going away for christmas I wanted to wish you a merry christmas before we go, I am sure you will have lots of fun, you have so many friends up their to enjoy it with you, and I have asked your big cousin Kayleigh to help you with your presents, as I am sure santa will find you. It should be Ellen helping you to open them all, you should be coming with us. Mummy got so upset watching Ellen helping your cousin Rhiannon with her presents at the weekend, its just not fair, I love you so much.
I want to tell you something, but dont tell Ellen, we have brought her some rollerskates for christmas, so please catch her when she falls.
    
Have a lovely first christmas my darling, we have your picture ready to put on the tree and we will be lighting a candle on christmas day, you are always in our thoughts baby.

 
A year ago today, mummy found out she was having you, I cant believe a year has passed already, we were all so pleased that it would be the last christmas with just one child. You should be hear with us now, I miss you so much. How I wish I could turn the clock back to last year, I would do things so differently, I would ask to be induced earlier, then maybe you would still be with us.
We have just taken your teddy to the grave, I hope you like it, I feel so bad that we will not be able to come and see you on christmas day, even thou we are away you will not be far from anyone's thoughts, we all love and miss you so much.

My sweet boy it has now been three months since you left us, we miss you so much, people say it gets easier to cope with, in a way it has but then as time goes on and its longer since I held you I miss you even more. Christmas is coming and I find it so hard not being able to buy you anything, christmas should be a happy time, but I can't feel happy without  you, my baby boy. Ellen is being an angel in her school play, she is so proud as she will be an angel like you! I wish you could be hear to see it, but I am sure you will be watching over her.
We love you darling, and miss you so much

LOOK OUT FOR BOUNCER LITTLE ANDREW, HIS COMING TO PLAY WITH YOU.
LOOK AFTER HIM, AND THROW HIM LOTS OF BALLS.
LOVE YOU LOADS LITTLE BOY,
Love mummy daddy and ellen.

My darling little boy, you would have been two months old today i cant believe it has been 8 weeks since I held you in my arms, I miss you so much, so dose daddy and ellen. Ellen still talks about you, you will always be her little brother, she will never forget you, none of us will. You touched so many peoples hearts, in the nine and a half months you lived inside mummy. I wonder what you would be doing if you were hear. Would you be a mummies boy like Ellen was as a baby, would you be sleeping thourgh the night, all these questions that will never get answerd. We miss you baby boy, and will love you always.

 thinking off you always
love daddy